Surburbanation

So, like a whole lot of people, I turned on Letterman last night for his final Late Show on CBS. What a dud. OK, I haven’t been regular Dave watcher for several years, now. But that hasn’t always been the case.

From his first days following up Johnny on the Tonight Show, I thought Dave was the epitome of ironic cool. Sophomoric and wittily sarcastic at the same time, his pranks and goofiness resonated with an audience that also saw the world through slightly off-kilter eyes.

He did stuff we all imagined doing at one time or another. Like Tommy Chong in one of the Cheech and Chong movies when he picked up the open microphone at the police station desk and started yelling “lardass!” through the speaker system, Dave gave us vicarious pleasure in stunts like tossing tv’s off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.

As a musician, watching Paul Shaffer’s phenomenal band churning their way through snippets of both well-known and obscure covers was also a major calling card. I admired Paul’s recall in conjuring up the most apropos musical allusions to suit a particular guest’s appearance. I admit to a palpable jealousy of guitarist Sid McGinnis. I would have given up all my favorite guitars to have sat in with the band just once.

But after a while Letterman’s routine became just that. It lost its verve and trendy edginess. Some people complained that Dave had become too mean to his guests. I thought just the opposite, he wasn’t "mean" enough, in the sense that he no longer displayed the old, cool sarcastic wit which had punctured so many celebrity egos - not the uncourteous, disrespectful and acerbic dislike he started showing guests more and more often.

My opinion: his last show totally sucked. Dave went through the motions, but it was plain to see he had lost it. And he seemed so old, almost tottering at times, barely able to croak out what was written on the cue cards. I don’t remember Bob Hope reaching that state until he was well up close to 100, and Dave isn’t even 70 yet.

Furthermore, the highlights of his major moments – like when they replayed the times he had interacting with the kids who supposedly “adored” him – and other scenes like this went on and on ad nauseum. The show dragged, it was boring as hell. When all his old celebrity friends came on to do the Top Ten List, there appeared a glimmer of the show’s past glory. But the rest of it sank into oblivion.

And talk about mean. What father would put up a "schizoid" photo of his son, mocking the boy as Letterman did after the camera had panned to his wife and son Harry seated in the audience, and then make a snarky comment about the kid having to make regular visits to a “clinic.” It leaves a bad taste in your mouth when you realize that after all these years, Letterman wasn’t funny and he wasn’t cool – he was simply an ass all along.